Focus on the need for @5 to respect and         '
and admire @2 parents.                          '
                                                '
                                                '
Authority, in the family this is embodied in the'
primary caretakers, is what brings order to hu- '
man relationships.  Respect is earned by effort '
and should be acted on as long as the parent is '
worthy of that respect.  This position is gain- '
ed by showing righteous indignation when needed.'
                                                '
             MANAGING DISOBEDIENCE              '
                                                '
Someone has to know better for things to im-    '
prove or for having the possibility of improving'
when you act on this knowledge.  Parents can    '
earn this respect by their wisdom - of knowing  '
what is the best more often than not.           '
                                                '
Ask yourself:                                   '
    *  Have I done anything to merit such treat-'
       ment?                                    '
    *  How can I communicate that I do not de-  '
       serve this treatment?                    '
    *  How can I demonstrate my wisdom and re-  '
       gain @2 respect?                         '
             MANAGING DISOBEDIENCE              '
                                                '
Young children are often in awe of their care-  '
taker and just as often predisposed to treat    '
them as extentions of themselves that may not   '
work right.  By establishing your separateness  '
while being willing to educate and share fosters'
the growth of a young child.                    '
                                                '
Try:                                            '
  *  Saying no in a firm, matter of fact manner '
     to a @5 when @3 is disobedient.            '
  *  Correcting the behavior in question gently '
      and then suggesting @3 start over.        '
  *  Continuing to interact patiently.          '
             MANAGING DISOBEDIENCE              '
                                                '
This is age in which the wisdom of youth is     '
equal to the wisdom of age or at least the      '
children would have us think.  Taking the       '
attitude of as much amusement as possible will  '
help lighten the mood and demonstrate your      '
maturity.                                       '
                                                '
Try:                                            '
  *  Acknowledging @5's opinions and            '
     feelings without feeling required to give  '
     in to them.                                '
  *  Distracting and refocusing @1 .            '
  *  Entering in without giving in.             '
             MANAGING DISOBEDIENCE              '
                                                '
Children of this age group like to reaffirm     '
their relationships with their parents.  Often  '
this reaffirmation takes the form of testing    '
the parent's response to rebellion.  Taking a   '
predictable and firm stand without being puni-  '
tive is the best way to address this issue.     '
                                                '
Try:                                            '
  *  Waiting for @5 to approach you             '
     with the rebellious behavior.              '
  *  Accepting it as matter of fact and then    '
     reacting in the way that @5 expects        '
     you to react.                              '
             MANAGING DISOBEDIENCE              '
                                                '
Pre-adolescents would like to reject their par- '
ents without risking the loss of love.  Accept  '
me any way I am seems to be the goal at times.  '
Communicating that acceptance while disapproving'
of the behavior and refusing to tolerate it is a'
worthy goal in this case.                       '
                                                '
Try:                                            '
  *  Focusing on the behavior of your child     '
     rather than on the child.                  '
  *  Pointing out clearly the behavior that you '
     object to and will punish.                 '
  *  Responding warmly if the behavior changes. '
             MANAGING DISOBEDIENCE              '
                                                '
Adolescents look for respect and are willing to '
return to those they feel respect them.  Re-    '
bellion is often a bid for respect and caring   '
even though it seems a strange way of going     '
about it.                                       '
                                                '
Try:                                            '
  *  Demanding respect from @5 and re-          '
     fusing to tolerate any sign of disrespect. '
  *  Failing to return repsect if you fail to   '
     receive it.                                '
  *  Showing a willingness to show respect when '
     it is first forthcoming.                   '
                                                '
                                                '
                                                '
                                                '
                                                '